An Imagined Email Conversation with a Wedding Florist

10/23/14, 11:14 a.m.

Hi Susan–

My name is Katie and I am planning my wedding for this upcoming May. I found your info on the wedding website “Color Me Rustic” under their favored florist vendors list and I loved your portfolio!

Right now just hoping to get a sense of your pricing for small, simple centerpieces and bridal bouquets to make sure it’s within our budget.

Thanks so much!

Katie

10/23/14, 4:30 p.m.

Hi Katie,

Thanks so much for reaching out to us at Blossoming Bride! May is such a wonderful time of year for flowers, you chose well!

As far as pricing, it would be impossible to quote any prices without first knowing a few more things about you:

How many centerpieces? How many bridesmaids bouquets/boutonnières? Color scheme? Favorite flowers? Are you Jewish? When’s the last time you cried? What’s 13+46—to you? In your husband’s cosmological framework, where do dogs go when they die? How many fingers am I holding up? Just guess, it’s fun!

And lastly: do you have a wedding Pinterest page? If you don’t, I’m afraid we can’t work together.

Thanks! I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best,

Susan

10/24/14, 10:48 a.m.

Hi Susan–

Thanks for getting back to me. Even if you have a broad range of prices it would be really helpful to know, just to get an idea. But answers to your questions below!

15, 5/7, mint green/ice white, half, about five minutes ago, 59, their souls become one with the earth, four fingers and a thumb, and yes, I have a Pinterest page but I haven’t pinned anything, does that count?

Thx!

Katie

10/24/14, 12:04 p.m.

Hi Katie,

Thanks for answering those questions, it’s incredibly helpful.

So as for pricing, we start at a minimum of $15K for all events, which would cover everything you’d need to make your wedding spectacular (Please note: we can only guarantee spectacular flowers. We have no control over the quality of the food, groom, or weather.)

From your answers I can tell you are someone who would love a rustic and natural arrangement of peonies, anemones, succulents, and ranunculus at each table. Something simple and elegant – just like you!

I’d love to get together soon to talk in more detail about options. Looking forward to it!

Susan

10/24/14, 12:15 p.m.

Hi Susan –

Wow – unfortunately $15K is way outside of our budget – we were hoping to spend closer to $2K. Can I ask what all the $15K covers? Forgive me, it just seems like an exorbitant amount of money.

But you’re actually right, once I Googled all those names those are flowers I absolutely love and now cannot imagine my wedding day without.

Thanks

Katie

10/24/14, 3:13 p.m.

Hi Katie,

I understand. $15K may seem high but it’s pretty standard for most wedding florists. That price includes the cost of all flower arrangements, the air between the flowers, all the dirt (flowers require a LOT of dirt), as well as the set up and delivery.

We at Blossoming Bride pride ourselves in having the highest quality flowers imaginable by having them sung to on a daily basis. This is much more effective than simply talking to them. Remember Charlotte Church? She was a child opera singer who was big in the 90s? She’s exclusively our in-house flower-singer now. We find that the flowers really prefer her voice and she helps them bloom more fully. So that price also covers her services, her meals, transportation, and of course flowers for her studio. We are the only florist to provide this kind of service in the whole world!

We have found that our brides really appreciate the extra level of detail we put into our work, and that is what makes us stand out from all the other bad, stinky, stupid wedding florists out there.

Let me know if you have any further questions and I will be meeting you soon. It is foretold.

Warmly,

Susan

10/25/14, 9:50 a.m.

Hi Susan –

Thanks for clarifying. Your flowers really are amazing and I love the fact that they’re happy, cultured flowers with an appreciation for music. That’s so important to me now that I know that that even exists.

The price is still just a bit too high but I’d love to figure out a way to work with you. Is there anything else you can throw in for us? That might make that sum easier to stomach.

Sorry to be a pain!

Katie

10/25/14, 11:28 a.m.

Hi Katie –

I completely understand. Although you are being a total pain but I appreciate your apology.

Here’s what I can do for you: I can waive the fee for our Gift Protection Policy, which is an insurance policy we offer that protects you from having your wedding gifts stolen by me or my associates on the night of your wedding if we happen to be stricken by a case of mischievousness. Normally we charge an extra $700 per guest for this policy but I am willing to give that to you free of charge! We highly recommend this policy to all our clients because we’ve found that we rob up to 85% of the weddings that don’t purchase this protection.

Let me know how that sounds! And for what it’s worth, all of our brides agree that the look of jealousy on their guests’ faces when they see the unparalleled flower work we do is worth so much more than $15K. But you already know that.

Do the right thing.

Talk soon!

Susan

10/26/14, 9:08AM

Susan –

I discussed it with my fiancé and we agree we can just sell his guitar collection and move to a shittier neighborhood. We’ve realized the flowers are by far the most important aspect of the day so the price is well worth it.

Looking forward to working with you! Excited!

Katie

10/26/14, 6:06 p.m.

Katie, I knew you’d come around. They always do.

I will start putting together a vision board for your wedding today! And I’ll need that 50% deposit ASAP to hold the date. I only accept payment in the form of Alaskan Airlines miles.

MUUUAAHAHAHAHA!!!

Susan

Laura is a writer/actress/improviser living in New York City. She performs weekly at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and has appeared on MTV’s Hey Girl, Comedy Central’sInside Amy Schumer, and has written for Girl Code, Cosmopolitan, The Date Report, andNerve. She does all her tweeting via @Laura_Willcox on Twitter.com.