Can you identify the point at which couples decided that the strength of their love was best reflected by the degree to which they infuriate bystanders? I cannot.

If recent news is any indication, we are knee deep in the era — not merely a phase or a passing trend, but an actual era — of public chaos and bedlam for the sake of one couple’s special specialness. On Monday, we learned of a man who caused a massive traffic jam so that he could propose to his lady in the middle of a busy highway. Today, it’s an Australian couple whose impossibly extravagant wedding included four helicopters, a motorcade of sports cars worth $50 million, and a fighter jet. Oh, and a sea plane, because no wedding is complete without one. How romantic. The subtle and classy affair, which the groom declared to be “Australia’s best wedding,” shut down an entire suburb — a suburb of which, not coincidentally, the groom happens to be deputy mayor. Nice work; the public is no doubt thrilled with his job performance.

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As these public displays are supposedly meant to reflect the emotion shared between two individuals, such extreme love deserves to be conveyed not just in actions, but actual words. Words like...

  • I love you so much that I’ll make us look like horrible humans.
  • I love you so much that I don’t care about the existence of anyone else.
  • I love you so much that I’ll make everyone hate us.
  • I love you so much that I will get arrested and/or lose my job.
  • I love you so much that I will die at the hands of individuals who have been sent into a murderous rage because of my incomprehensible narcissism.

Contact the author at jessica@jezebel.com.