Hot new wedding trend, allegedly: bridal bouquets straight-up made of vegetables.

That is according to The Telegraph, which launched into their coverage with the declaration that, “Brides are embracing a new trend to replace flowers with kale, broccoli and cabbage in their wedding bouquets.” The experts say so:

Head florist at Waitrose, Chris Wood said: “Over the past few years there has been a definite move away from prim and proper posies, with brides opting for looser and more asymmetric arrangements.

“Wild and whimsical bouquets are popular, with a heady mix of flowers, foliage, herbs, and fruit and vegetables.

“Brides are looking for seasonal arrangements and the trend lends itself to locally sourced products.”

They also found a bride who strolled down the aisle carrying a bunch of kale, artichokes, and broccoli.

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Some of the elements name-checked in the piece make perfect sense—lavender isn’t exactly off-the-wall, and herbs and citrus fruits are really just the next logical step after succulents and greenery-heavy bouquets. And centerpieces have been essentially a free-for-all for some time now. Moss, wheat, tubers, pinecones, pumpkins, whatever. Makes sense that attitude would creep into the actual bouquets. And there are enough Google results for “veggie wedding bouquet” that it seems plausible that at least a few people are full-on going for it.

But if brides wholesale adopt broccoli, kale, and carrots rather than incorporating veggie elements as part of a larger floral/greenery-based bouquet, I’ll eat my goddamn hat. No way, no how. A bunch of Pinterest pins do not a real trend make. That said, any woman who opts for a fat, fragrant handful of asparagus is a don’t-give-a-fuck heroine and should be praised as such.


Contact the author at kelly@jezebel.com.

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