Wedding Crasher Bites Cop, Dog After Police Are Called to Remove Him

Weddings are special. Weddings are expensive. Weddings are not to be fucked with. At least that’s what one unidentified 22-year-old man learned over the weekend when he thought it’d be a good idea to show up to a wedding uninvited and disrupt the festivities. Three cops and a dog had to take him down.

The party, which took place at Santa Barbara’s Carriage Museum (name of bride and groom withheld to protect the mortified) on Saturday, was apparently going very well before a possibly/probably intoxicated man showed up to cause some trouble. While it’s not clear whether he was there to pick someone up, eat all the free food, or just chill and enjoy the festivities while high as a kite, guests recognized that the gentleman was not an invited guest. They tried to kick him out shortly after his arrival but when that failed, they called the police. That, The New York Post reports, is when things got a little hairy.

…during a confrontation with two arriving officers, he punched one in the face and bit his shoulder, then bit a police dog on the leg. The confused dog also bit an officer.

[Sergeant Riley] Harwood says after he was handcuffed, the man attacked a third officer.

This would be funny if it weren’t so sad. Don’t get me wrong, I’d laugh hysterically if this was a slapstick comedy starring Vince Vaughn, but this is real life and real people are getting bitten while real weddings are being ruined. And then there’s the matter of the dog, who just showed up to help and got attacked on the leg. How does that even happen? I understand punching and biting cops (they’re human-sized and their faces and shoulders are within reach), but to bite a dog this guy would have had to be down on the floor. Can you imagine everything the bride was going through?

The unidentified crasher was arrested and taken to jail. Two police officers were treated for injuries. No word on whether the couple that just got married will get a “do-over” wedding. But look at the bright side: Not one person present will fault the bride and groom if they conveniently forget to write thank you notes for their presents. It was a pretty stressful day.