Whimsical Pair of Assholes Demand Money for 38 Perfect Weddings

Illustration for article titled Whimsical Pair of Assholes Demand Money for 38 Perfect Weddings

Thought that we'd seen it all? Me too! From awful public proposals to wedding present meltdowns, it seemed that there really was nothing new under the nuptial sun. But then Rhiann and Cheetah entered our lives and asked for money to pay for 38 weddings and now nothing will ever be quite the same.

Just so no one's worried, Rhiann and Cheetah (who are, obviously, acrobatic carnie-folk) can definitely afford to pay for one wonderful wedding and they can even afford a pair of glitzy diamond rings. What they can't afford, however, is the perfect wedding, which is actually 38 different weddings around the world that will speak to each part of their personality and allow them to explore every type of wedding possible — daytime, nighttime, formal, informal, with alligators, without alligators, etc. — without sacrificing any of that privilege which they have worked so hard to earn and which allows them, two moderately wealthy individuals with one manbun between them, to ask strangers on the internet for money so that they can teach people all around the world (from every conceivable background!) partner acrobatics all while staying in some very nice hotels and flying coach (oh my god, the sacrifice!!!) the entire way.

The couple's HoneyFund, which allows anyone without any sense to give these two crazy kids a chance to experience love in the perfect way, has already been mostly funded by friends and strangers who were willing to give them a couple of thou just to get their married life on the right foot — even after Rhiann and Cheetah added "A trip to Ireland!!" complete with "amazing accents!" to their wish list. Are you kidding me? I recognize that this money wouldn't solve all of the world's problems, but it's rather misguided to ask randoms for cash to teach partner acrobatics around the world when so many are starving for individual acrobatic instruction.


I could go on, but Robyn Pennacchia over at The Frisky has the perfect summation of exactly how right all of this is:

Personally, it has never occurred to me that it might be appropriate to ask complete strangers for money for a thing that was neither an actual charity, an exchange of goods or services, nor an investment of some kind. Certainly not for my own personal happiness! That this precious couple can find so many strangers who are happy to fund their dreams is just so heartwarming. Particularly when you consider that in this country we have 50 million people living below the poverty line, and we think poor people are greedy for wanting to get paid more than the current minimum wage! What a country!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Exactly all of this. Everyone's happy to talk about how the poor are sucking at the teat of our country's generosity but when it comes to the love of two people who can afford one perfectly good wedding and rings but want more, everyone's perfectly happy to grin and shell out cash, posting comments like "go to Peru!" and "your story is too beautiful!" Even the website of free-range lavender breeze Zooey Deschanel got in on the fun, posting the couples' Instagram (which includes photos of them delirious with joy while surrounded by "decorative Africans" and doing hand-to-hand near a camel) and, probably, earning them most of the money they needed for the rest of the trip.


There's still some shit for you left to buy, though, just in case you want to donate the money to two idiots abroad as opposed to just setting it on fire and chanting "burn, motherfucker, burn" as you watch it flame away. Tearing these people down, as Pennacchia points out, isn't about hating love (everyone loves love! Love is great!), it's about recognizing the systems of inequality in place in our world and how unfair it is for something like this to be funded while services for people who couldn't even dream of having one perfect wedding, let alone 38, are being cut every day. But, you know, they're teaching people acrobatics, so that's something. (And that something is bullshit.)

The couple will, of course, save money on an officiant because they've gotten ordained so they can perform each one of their 38 weddings by themselves, which is sweet. (NOPE! STILL BULLSHIT! ALSO NOT A THING!) (NOT A THING!)


Contact the author at mark.shrayber@jezebel.com.

Image via Cheetah Platt's Instagram.

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Will there be 38 divorces in 38 countries?